Wednesday, March 6, 2013

I don't even know what to title this. A jumble of thoughts, I guess.

I want to talk about something that has been weighing heavy on my heart lately.  So heavy in fact that I feel like I am carrying around a couple hundred sacks of potatoes.  It is something I am sure a lot of you can relate to, so hopefully some of you can take away something from this.

Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you try, 
you cannot always please somebody or make somebody happy?

No? Never felt that way?

Try planning a wedding.  Or better yet- try planning how to visit 4 different families in 4 different towns for 1 holiday that only lasts 24 hours.  It's really not easy because you love ALL 4 families.  
You want to see everyone!  You almost wish it was a perfect world and all families could all come together so that there wouldn't be 50 gallons of gas and a ba-gillion hours wasted on driving.  
I mean, really... who wants to be on the road for hours on Christmas? 

But...anyway, no matter how hard you may try, not everyone will always be happy with the choices or decisions you make and this is just a fact of life. What's important if for you to be happy with your decisions.  You need to live with the choices and decisions you make.  Have no regrets.

For a good chunk of my life (and who am I kidding...even still today) I made decisions based on what other people wanted me to do.  I would often make choices that I knew would make a person happy.  Call it wanting to fit in, call it wanting to be the "cool" kid in the "cool" group. 
 I just wanted to be liked by everything and everyone. 

I was raised to be respectful, empathetic, humble, and to treat everyone the way I wanted to be treated.  When a choice that I made upset someone, I would be crushed.  It would bother me for days, weeks... in fact, some of the choices I've made in my past-- still bother me to this day because of friends I lost because of it, or people who started to hate me because of it.

I think, "Wow... maybe I should have done this, or this"
or, "Maybe I'd still have these friends if I had done this"
or "Maybe this person would still like me if I hadn't gone and done this"

Without making this seem like I think I'm the greatest person who ever walked the earth (because I am clearly not) or without me seeming like I am perfect (because I am far from it)... I do think that I am a good person.  I think I am friendly, warm and for the most part, happy.  I think I am a good friend.  I am a flexible person.  I am laid back and easy going.  I am pretty much down for anything, at anytime.  I may not have all the money in the world, but I work hard for what I have.  I appreciate all that I have.
I am a kind and respectful person and would never do anything to intentionally hurt anyone. 

That being said, lately, I feel as though no matter what I do, some people just don't like me.  (Shocker!)
No matter what I do, certain people always seem to point out my flaws like they are written right across my forehead.  Things I do or say that I intend to be good, seem to backfire in my face.  Lately, I feel as though I get misunderstood by certain people.  And it's bothered me so much.  

I've done so much thinking about it, & talking to my husband, & friends & family... & I've come to realize that I am constantly misunderstood by the same people.  It's the same people who pick out my flaws... as if I am the only one who has them.  It's the same people who may never ever be happy with any thought I have, decision I make, or words I speak--- even though I try so hard to avoid it.  
Which makes me think... Gee... Maybe it's not me.  Maybe it's them.

I am the FIRST person to admit my wrongs & to apologize for something.
EVEN if I feel like I have absolutely nothing to apologize for.

And let's be honest-- Am I the only one who has ever done something stupid?

For example, getting angry in the spur of the moment over something so minor and so silly once you really think about it.  It's called speaking before you think and everyone has done it.  If you say you haven't, you're lying!  But lately, for some reason, I feel as though I am the only one who has ever spoke before thinking it through.  Even if someone else does the SAME thing, I am the girl that people pick on first.  I am the one that people get angry at.  Because, how dare I.  I'm the nice girl.  

Oh, and that other person who just did the SAME exact silly mistake I did... they get away with it because it's just THEIR NATURE.  Sometimes, I sincerely feel that nice guys do finish last.
Well, nice girls in this matter.  But you get the point.

Scott keeps telling me, "Enough is enough! Stop trying to make everyone happy! 
Stop trying to be the one everyone likes, because no one will ever be 100% happy with your life choices and not everyone in your life will like you"

These are things that I already know.  I've been told thousands of times.
But hearing it from my husband, a man that I admire & look up to, I guess it just resonates more.
I mean, I'm almost 25 years old & I still tend to struggle with people's opinions of me.
It's kind of embarrassing.

As I reluctantly write this post, Scott is looking over my shoulder.  
I think he wants to make sure that I press, "publish".
Why? Because posting this blog post means I've completed Step 1:
Stop caring about making others happy & start living life for YOU.

"Why don't you stop caring about making others happy,
and start focusing more on making me happy"
Scott says, as he sticks is feet on my lap and winks.
AKA... he wants a foot massage.  
I love this man.  =)

At least my husband backs me up.  
My friends & family back me up.
I suppose that is all that matters.

I wrote this post for me.
I wrote this post so that I can remember this.
Things I say and do might not always be "liked" or "accepting" by other people & that is okay.  
I cannot let things like this eat me up inside forever.

There comes a time when I need to forget over it 
& not let other people's opinions of me or my actions get me down... 
& that time is now.


6 comments:

  1. Girl, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! It was almost like I was reading exactly how I've been feeling, and I'm also almost 25 and it IS embarassing! But, you're on the right track! Keep it up and keep being YOU! Because those 'other' people aren't losing a wink of sleep over any of it...it's just not worth it. :)

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  2. Anyone who doesn't love YOU is stupid. The end! PS, I think you're fabulous! xo

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  3. I'm am quite the people pleaser. When I was deciding on my Maid of Honor, I was torn. I didn't want to hurt my friend's feelings by not choosing her, but I didn't really want her as my MOH. I finally realized that my wedding is going to be for ME (and Zach, of course), and I was not going to people please my way down the aisle.

    I will always be a people pleaser, but I'm trying really hard to not be as much.

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  4. Hi Karla - You probably get that trait from me... I just want everyone to be happy and to get along. I hate conflict and when it happens, I beat myself up over it for days, weeks, months. I think to myself... I should have said this or I shouldn't have said that. After a while, I wonder if the person on the other end of the conflict is feeling as much regret as I am... probably not. Then I try to move on.
    - :) Mom

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  5. Karla- I feel you on this. Recently somebody deleted me from Facebook for no reason at all. Someone I've known for a long time. I'm not a negative person, I try to post positive things about my family and life instead of negativity all the time..I guess some people just get annoyed by it. Even though I knew it shouldn't bother me, it kinda sorta did. I had never done anything bad to this person, and honestly I'm a person that gets offended and hurt easily. I also have a problem with some of the hubs family. I guess you could say his Mom really never learned to let go and even though we've been together for almost 11 whole years, she still claims I "took her baby away". Life is hard sometimes, people judge us for things we can't control. Some people don't take the time to get to know you before passing judgement. It's sad really, Nick is always asking me why I care, and honestly I don't know. I don't know why I care if ONE person doesn't like me. I guess because I just can't understand how someone can know so little about me before making the choice. I think this is a great post!

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  6. Oh love. I hear ya on this. Don't worry, it's something I still struggle with even at 27! But you know what has really helped me with this? E. And it sounds like Scott is helping you. I've really learned since we've been together that you can't make yourself crazy over it, and that you have to "get over it," he says when it comes to if I somehow made someone mad. That's so much easier for guys then girls, I blame the emotions thing. I never like to let people down, I hate saying no when people call me for jobs even if I feel like death or have other plans. But at some point, you start to learn you have to do things for YOU. And that people don't take it as personal as you may think they do. I've also learned that if someone does take something personal (like you not being able to afford to come out to a destination wedding persay....haha), it's on them, not on you. Trust me, it does get better as time goes on, but it will always be a constant struggle. Us people pleasers...geeze. LOVE YOU!

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